Practical Tips for Navigating a Parenting Plan by Candice King

It’s often sad and unfortunate when one parent uses the legal system, as a way of punishing the other parent by indirectly punishing the kids - it’s another way that they try to leverage control. With that being said, a parenting plan is not all negative; It allows for structure in everyone’s lives. Here are my tips for navigating through this mentally, physically and emotionally challenging experience. 1. As tough as it is, remain calm and centered and put whatever feelings you have for the other party aside. Separate your feelings from your behaviour. You give away your ‘power’ when your act with emotion. (This is incredibly hard as they’re your children, but stay in your power) 2. Remember, the children come first, and it’s their well-being that should always be at the forefront of your decisions. It’s deeply personal, but treat it as your would a business meeting. State your facts. 3. Go with a plan. Know clearly what you will, and what you won’t allow. This is to ensure minimal disruption for the child/ren. 4. In your plan, discuss granular details - days, times, diet, any other key information that the other party may or not be aware of and include how you will navigate these, and important events should they fall outside of your allocated days with the children. Include all the details that you feel necessary in navigating the children’s lives. 5. If you are and have been the primary parent, you know your children and their routine better than anyone, enforce this. This will ensure that the children are impacted minimally. 6. Discuss clearly, who is responsible for what during the allocated days/ times. Each party needs to be held accountable for their roles and should take full responsibility. 7. It’s imperative that the other party is able to do what you can for the kids, without you being around E.g school drop offs and collections, extra-mural activities etc if these activities apply during the allocated split time. This includes the financial responsibilities that fall outside of your maintenance agreement, should you have one. 8. Suggest trying the parenting plan on a 3-month trial basis with a scheduled review to re-evaluate/ maintain the plan and to discuss if it is or isn’t working and why. Make amendments accordingly. As a parent, having to put your child through social workers and their parents in and out of court takes its toll on everything, it’s taxing all round and hopefully both parents (I’m being hopeful) can agree before it gets to the formalization of the plan. Disagreements and not being on the same page takes it a step further and lawyers many need to intervene. It’s costly, unpleasant, emotional and drawn out, and if this step can be avoided, it should be. The social worker is usually the mediator before it goes to the magistrate, the magistrate is simply there to ensure that that parties are in agreement before signing the paperwork. I understand that all situations are different, but I do wish you a speedy, fair, and sane process for you and yours babies ♥️🌹